(August 19, 2017) 12:02 PM I’ve just read through Philippians in its entirety — again. I thought of marriage as I did so. Ah, marriage. Two flawed people trying to make a go of it. Till death do us part. And when it does separate us, the grief that ensues. Ever tried to counsel someone who’s lost a spouse? That’s where Phil. 2:1 comes into play. In fact, it comes into play in a way I never noticed before. Here Paul makes four assumptions about Christians. (I call them assumptions because the first class condition is used in Greek.) Here they are:

1) Because of our union with Christ, we have great encouragement.

2) His love comforts us.

3) Because of His Spirit, we are brought into fellowship with other believers. (Or, conversely, we have fellowship with the Spirit — a less likely meaning in this context.)

4) We experience kindness and compassion from one another.

As everyone knows who’s ever experienced loss, it’s not the loss that becomes the defining moment in our lives. It’s how we respond to that loss. Our response will, to a great extent, determine how we live the rest of our lives. Of course, we will never resume the life we lived before our loss. But we can be enlarged by that loss, even enriched by it as we reflect on what that loss has meant to us and how we have changed in its aftermath. Nothing can undo the pain of separation. You cannot avoid the grief or escape it. Loss changes your life — forever. At the moment of loss, you begin the test of a lifetime. How will I respond?

I don’t want my life to be defined by Becky’s loss. I want to focus more on God than on the tragedy itself. It’s also important to me, however, to be real with myself. I believe that we who have suffered the loss of a loved one have a story to tell — a story of pain and suffering to be sure, but also a story of redemption. Here’s my story today:

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for speaking to me through Paul’s words in Phil. 2:1. Thank You, yes thank You, for the way You daily encourage me to carry on in the wake of that event. Thank you, oh thank You, for the comfort You give me to bear up under the sorrow. Thank You so much for the people in my life who truly care about me. Their kindness and compassion have meant everything to me.

Grief counselor, here’s a verse you can use. It can be summed up in a single phrase: In Christ we have everything we need to cope with loss. And to my fellow grief-sufferers: If you are comfortable doing so, why not share on your blog or Facebook page what has been especially meaningful to you during your journey? What are the things that have kept you from embracing your suffering? What are some of the choices sufferers need to make in order to receive the comfort of Christ? Do you ever find that suffering isolates you from the believing community?

This morning, this verse from Philippians was a pure gift to me. It reminded me of the privilege and opportunity I have to be a father and grandfather who shows his family that we don’t have to become emotionally distant and inaccessible just because of our loss. We overcome evil by doing good. I have had wonderful encounters with many people over the past three and a half years. With some of you I have forged deep friendships because of the losses we both have experienced. It’s very moving to me to be able to hear your story — and to share my own. This is the kind of koinoniathat, I think, God has called all of us to.